Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Y
will you marry me? haha..
helo. helu. alo. elo. hola.
i'm hungry, but i can't eat. can't swallow solid food. has been eating soggy spaggeti & porridge since saturday and walla! - i vomitted all of 'em out. had high fever the past few days. started feelin' funny at Boo's hse last friday nite, but din take any note of it. woke up on saturday morning wit a splitting headache, a dry throat & a heated forehead. decided to ignore it at first as i had Fiqh xm in the afternoon. had planned to watch Harry Potter wit Boo after the ppr. but i surrendered at 1pm. was soOoOoOoOo feelin' uncomfy & it was raining heavily. had to gv the ppr a miss. oh well. popped panadols before being unconscious for the nx 3 hrs.
Boo decided to pay me a visit. he came at 4.15pm. watched a few boring shows on scv before he fell asleep on the sofa. hmm. yot wanted me to order pizza for Boo & my family. i ordered large stuffed crust hawaiian pizza. wrong move. the cheese tasted YUCKY wen it turned cold. urghhh. while watchg Resident Evil Part 2 wit Boo at nite, i suddenly felt funny. checked my forehead. checked my neck. took the thermometer. 39.1 degrees. wow. took 1 pathetic panadol & fell asleep on the sofa. Boo left at 11pm.
sunday. woke up freezing. sat at the sofa til afternoon & my temperature shot to 39.4. called my parents to bring me to the doctor as i can't walk & see properly. at the clinic, my temperature shot to 40.4 degrees. mr doctor gave me 2 days' mc til tuesday. how nice. back home, had to take few bitter-tasting medicine & tatz wen i vommitted 3 times in a day, the worst being at 9pm where i can exactly feel the yucky medicine coming out from my mouth. surrendered at 10pm before feeling nauseous again.
monday. woke up wit a heavy head. Boo came to my hse after magrib & we watched Harry Potter. still can't understand the movie. was feelin' a bit better.
tuesday. much much better, alto' the weather was quite warm.
now. still feelin' groggy. took 15 mins to finish up my fish ole & i haven't even touch the fries yet. had a hard time swallowing it. but at least, i dun feel hungry. back to work. hope i can survive til end of the day. *sigh*
i need you right now..
11/30/2005 01:43:00 PM
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Y
will you marry me? haha..
is my nx-door neighbour having sinus or sumting??? itz irritating the hell out of me!!!
anywaysss.. main topic.. 20th Nov 2005 - Raya outing wit the SP gundus.. haa.. wat can i say.. kecoh!!!
me & boo wore matching purple outfits.. but mine's even shinier than his. met at zul's hse in the afternoon. zul wore bright yellow baju.. mcm pengantin sei.. haa.. mas brought her abg darni. both of dem wore black outfits. kadir was like.. a pengantin also. almost the same color wit zana. coincidence? hehh.. juz take a look at his friendster, & u'll noe wat i mean. timOt, kecoh as ever. extra friendly wit zul. hmph. hired a mini-van for the outing. as always, i had difficulty boarding & alighting the mini-van. my kain din hv enuf allowance for me to stretchhhh. boo had to help me. thanx dear.
it was mas's 1st tm meeting darni's family, same goes for darni too. wat can i say.. SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO BOTH OF U.. haa.. butterflies floatin'..
can't upload pics yet. internet at hm still down. sheesh.
btw, i'm cured.
i need you right now..
11/24/2005 01:29:00 PM
Monday, November 21, 2005
Y
will you marry me? haha..
everyting juz seem to fall out of place. one minute itz der, another minute itz gone. i'm practically living in a world of my own. unoblivious to others. tried to be sumone better, but failed. din do my best to potray a better me. much to the disappointment of others, esp him. from sumone who is jovial, loud & happy-go-lucky, i've been reduced to such a sad, sad state. feelin' guilty all the time, din hv the guts to truly let out how i feel inside. i noe.. itz in me. dun hv the guts to face the truth.. to feel watz itz like to be hurt. maybe itz retribution. prob did tat to others before.. now itz hitting me.. real hard at me.
i nvr seem to tink wat i do or say might affect others. & it has been affecting him all these while. to hear the truth from him, felt like a hole might swallow me up. like sum of us might say.. "nobody's perfect". i'm one of dem. i ain't perfect. i hv done mistakes, small ones & big ones, thruout my life. to my parents, frenz, colleagues, God, everybody ard me .. and him. sumtimes i asked God.. "why? why has my life changed?". maybe God is trying to tell me to grow up & get serioz wit my life.. wateva decisions i make, hv to tink of others too.. nt only for myself. i admit.. at times, i am rude, self-centred, irritating & tends to do things & shoot my mouth aimlessly. were those my true colors? sadly, sumone has seen it. sumone.. who has been wit me for a few mths hv seen the real me.. wat abt those who hv known me for years? were their feelings affected as well? i guess sooo.. but was nvr told. prob tried to hide it from me. & now, he has been upfront to me. felt like a blow to my face. i'm happy, but i'm sad..
why can't we be as normal as before? coz normal ppl dun care whether u stuffed an umbrella down their bags w/o their permission.. coz normal ppl dun care whether u tell dem ur family probs.. coz normal ppl dun care whether u've studied for ur test.. coz normal ppl dun care whether u act/talk like an ass in front of them.. but i noe he cares. & tatz why he's being upfront abt it. like it or not, i hv to swallow.
i've been depressed since.. God noes wen.. i juz want my life to go back as it was.. bein' happy wit others & urs truly.. but as days pass by, as i look up to the sky.. it always looks dark. a dark future wit him? i'm scared, really scared as wat might hepen nx. i dun want anyting wic has happened to us
before hepen again.. u live thru ur experiences, nt destroy it. u work on it, nt juz let it go.
"if it hepens hepen.. if nt.. den hv to let it go.." - kata2 yg cukup tajam darinya..
i'm hurt.. u're hurt.. who to blame? am i a subject of brutality & angerness from u? am i juz a piece of toy.. u hold it if u want & throw it away once u're tired of it?.. i dunno.. i feel lost. everywhere i turn, my mind kept replaying back the words.. the look on ur face.. the negative energy u're giving me.. i wonder.. if it means forever wit him, izzit gonna get better.. or worse between us?
itz hard to throw away ur past, but dun let the future suffer becoz of it. bit by bit, u hv to let go. treat ur bad past as a way to make u feel stronger mentally, physically & spiritually. no use dragging down wat we hv rite now juz becoz of the past. coz u'll nvr noe what the future will hold for u..
i'm tryin' to be sumone gd, can't cater to everyone tho' but.. i juz wanna be deR.. to see him smile again.. to see a brighter sky above us.. to see us laugh at our silly jokes..
ppl say i'm emo-less & brutal once, but.. itz the other way now. can't do tat no more.. i'm scared tat one day, i might juz freeze up. *sigh*.. dun worry abt me, u still hv lotsa impt stuffs to tink abt. nt blaming u for having those hatred feelings everytm we meet. even if i'm hurt, itz noting compared to u bein' hurt. u went thru a lot before..
dun make haste decisions based on how u feel.. tink of us.. tink of me.. tink of u.. i'm still holding on for u.
*tears hv dried up but the pain still lingers*
i need you right now..
11/21/2005 01:08:00 PM
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Y
will you marry me? haha..
wat luck.. my internet's down. hasn't been able to blog since Raya. tat pakcik said maybe due to virus infection.
again??? juz had my pc re-formatted few mths ago.. aiyahhh..
howz my Raya so far? one word.
BORING. my
baju kebayas hv been hanging behind my bedrm door since day 1. might as well put it on display til nx yr Raya. believe it or not, i've yet to visit my grandfather who was admitted to the hosp on the 2nd day of Raya. hmm.. uncles/aunties? how to go??? my parents going back to
kampung tis wkend. wic means, left me & yot at hm. i'm nt organising Raya outing wit my Damai peepz tis yr. organiser retiring soon. juz hope tat the 20 nov Raya outing wit the SP
gundus will be an enjoyable one. haa..
my cozin came with his youngest daughter yesterday & all i can say is.. HOW I WISH I DO NOT HV A DAUGHTER LIKE TAT. only wat.. 3-4 yrs old & already so rude to her mum. she can't even sit still at my hse. tat explains why i hate kids. kids who ask too many questions, kids who hv hands like sotong, kids who are spoilt, kids who can't stay still, kids who cry a lot. urghhh.
i need you right now..
11/10/2005 01:45:00 PM
Friday, November 04, 2005
Y
will you marry me? haha..
hope itz not too late to wish u ya'll Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!! unfortunately, i'm back to work on the 2nd day of Raya as i nd to clear my work stuffs. a lot sia..
Boo was the first guest to come to my hse yesterday. he wore black baju mly.. he looked gd. wen's itz tm for him to move off, we said our "minta maafs" & he hugged me & told me those magic words.. been waiting for him to say it in front of me.. it felt so.. i dunno.. relieved, nice, touched, happy.. all mixed into one. *swoons*
in the late afternoon, guests started pouring in til almost 11pm. top up the kuihs, wash the dishes, smile2 here & deR, tidying up the living rm.. haa.. made sum money though.. hee..
maybe ltr after work, gonna visit Boo & his family..
i need you right now..
11/04/2005 12:57:00 PM
